To My Four Beautiful Children

Malik, Lilyah, Amarion, and Zaia

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You are four precious names written forever upon my heart. You are four pieces of my life and four pieces of my heart. No matter how many years pass or how much life changes, nothing will ever change the fact that I am your father and I love you.

 

In 2013, my world changed forever when I lost my beautiful daughter, Lilyah. She was taken from this world far too soon. I could no longer hold her in my arms, hear her voice, or watch her grow, but death could never take away the place she holds in my heart.

 

Lilyah, you will always be my daughter. Time cannot erase your name, and the passing years cannot erase my love for you. Wherever you are beyond this world, I hope you know how much your father still loves and misses you.

 

Then, in 2019, my heart was broken once again when Malik, Amarion, and Zaia were lost to adoption. I had already experienced the grief of losing Lilyah. Now I faced another kind of grief: loving three children who were still alive and growing, somewhere beneath the same sky, but no longer coming home with me.

 

January 17, 2020 is a date I will carry in my heart forever. It was my last visitation with Malik, Amarion, and Zaia.

 

I remember knowing that our time together was precious, but I could never have known how deeply I would hold onto those final moments. If I could return to that day, I would treasure every second, every smile, every look, and every moment we shared.

 

Malik, do you remember me?

 

Amarion, do you remember my face?

 

Zaia, do you remember the father who held you and loved you?

 

Do you remember the days we shared before everything changed?

 

Wherever life has taken you and whatever you may have heard over the years, I hope there is something deep within your hearts that remembers me. More importantly, I hope you always know that your father never stopped loving you.

 

I don’t know what the future will bring. I don’t know when our paths may cross again. But I want these words to remain here so that someday, if you search for me and find this page, you will know exactly what was in my heart.

 

I never forgot you.

 

I never stopped loving you.

 

I never stopped being your father.

 

Malik.
Lilyah.
Amarion.
Zaia.

 

One child beyond my reach in heaven and three children growing somewhere away from me, but all four forever belonging inside this father’s heart.

 

Neither death, distance, adoption, nor the passing of years can erase the love I carry for you.

 

You are not simply memories.

 

You are my children.

 

Four names.
Four children.
Four pieces of my heart.

 

And wherever you are, wherever life carries you, and however many years may pass, I want you to remember one thing:

 

Your father still loves you. Always.